Baby Blues or Postpartum Depression? I’m not sure. How do I know?

Will mom counseling help or will it just go away?

Life has just hired you to do the hardest, most stressful job that you have ever had. You feel constantly overwhelmed and underprepared. Never has a job required so much of all of who you are; never have you felt the least in a position to give it.  

You are sleep-deprived. Asleep at 10:00 pm; up at midnight. Down again and up again at 3:00 am. Your hormones are dancing around at odd levels.  

This new job limits your freedoms. No more are you up late bingeing on Netflix. Heading out for weekend brunch with friends on a whim is a thing of the past. 

You don’t feel like your old self. Your anxiety skyrockets and surprises you at the oddest moments. Did life make the wrong decision in hiring you for this job?  

Your identity shifted into a new realm. You’ve asked yourself more than once, “Who am I now?” People have given you a new title.  In your mind, this title is only for the woman who gave you birth.

You are a new mom.

Why do I feel so “off”?  Could it be the baby blues?

These radical changes would cause anyone to feel “off.” You might be considering counseling for moms to help you figure out who you are in this season and where your life is going. In Evanston and the greater Chicagoland area, we offer postpartum therapy to moms (in person or virtually) to help them manage these feelings.

Statistics tell us that 50-85% of new moms experience the “baby blues.” The feelings generally start within 2-3 days after giving birth to your child. The emotions peak at about four days to a week and subside within another week or so.

Women experience some of these signs and symptoms: 

• Anxiety

• Experiencing sudden waves of sadness

• Exhaustion

• Feeling cranky or “off”

• Feeling generally overwhelmed

• Feeling joy one minute and sadness the next

• Feeling uncertain about your ability to care for your baby

• Impatience

• Irritability and grumpiness

• Seeming to cry over even the littlest things

• Trouble concentrating

• Trouble eating

• Trouble making decisions

• Trouble settling to sleep, even when you have time for it

Is it baby blues or postpartum depression?  Should I be more concerned?

We have talked about postpartum depression on the blog here.

To refresh your memory, here are the signs and symptoms of postpartum depression:

• Anger, irritability, and restlessness

• Crying excessively

• Decreased appetite

• Extremely low energy, wanting to sleep all the time

• Feeling numb and disconnected from your life

• Insomnia and nightmares

• Low self-worth, feeling like you have failed as a mother

• Obsessive, racing, scary thoughts

• Suicidal ideation

• Trouble bonding with your baby

• Thoughts of self-harm; thoughts of harming your baby

• Wanting to escape your life

• Withdrawing from loved ones and friends

The most striking difference between postpartum depression and baby blues is the duration and intensity of the symptoms. If you feel the symptoms for more than two weeks, you may want to consider consulting with your healthcare team. Your symptoms might be intensifying instead of waning; this is another warning sign that you may want to reach out to your physician or midwife.  

With baby blues, one moment you can’t believe the blessing that snuggles into your neck and falls asleep will one day call you mom. In the next instant, you might resent that your child is “limiting your life” or that you are not doing a good job of mothering. You are cranky, yelling at your partner, and are exhausted. Food does not seem appetizing; you have no desire to shower or do your hair.

If you are experiencing postpartum depression, you feel you are the worst mother on the planet. You cry uncontrollably. Despair leads you to think you will never be able to raise your child to be a decent human being. You are unable to develop an attachment to your baby. Panic and anxiety overtake you.

You might feel ashamed and confused about the sadness at a time in your life often associated with joy. You might be dealing yourself the “should” card: I should be happy. Why am I so sad? Why do I feel this depression?

You will want to identify what you are feeling and seek treatment early. Forming a stable attachment to your baby is essential at this stage. Untreated depression hampers the development of this attachment. 

If you have doubts or concerns, you do not have to wait until your postpartum checkup. You can contact your healthcare provider at any time. The treatment for postpartum depression will most likely be a blend of medication, talk therapy with postpartum therapists (like us!), and lifestyle changes. We are here to help moms recover from perinatal depression and anxiety.

You think it’s the baby blues.  What can you do to feel better?

You can take several actionable steps to help you feel better as you walk through these early days of being a new mom.  

Catch more zzz – Increase your sleep. We know. You are wondering, “How am I supposed to do that?” If you are not caring for another child, are you able to nap when your infant naps? Can you ask your partner, a friend, or loved one to “take a shift” and be with your baby so you can sleep?

Think more greens and whole grains – Eat as healthily as you can. Can you enlist your support from your “tribe” to bring in healthy meals? DoorDash, GrubHub, or UberEats may need to be on speed dial with nutritious take-out options. You might want to enlist the help of your local grocery store and receive delivery of fresh fruits, vegetables, etc. 

Put one foot in front of the other – See if you can get outside in the sunshine for even a short walk. Every little bit helps. Of course, make sure you are cleared by your doctor before beginning an exercise program.  

You might want to try an in-home fitness program. CariFit on YouTube offers exercises for you to do while wearing your baby. Your baby is snuggled in an ergonomic carrier while you do squats.

Yoga might be more of your thing. SarahBethYoga has a series of videos specifically designed for new moms. 

Shift your expectations – This is hard to do, right? You may need to adopt a “good enough is good enough” mantra. You could apply this new philosophy to meals, laundry, housework, or staying in touch with friends. The goal is to keep the main thing the many thing: you and your baby.  

Remember that we are here to help you navigate motherhood or your relationship with your partner at this challenging time of your life. Reach out to us. We are here to help.

At Evanston Counseling Services, we provide Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Relationship Therapy, and Hypnotherapy for women in Evanston and Chicago, IL.  We help women who feel isolated, anxious, and overwhelmed in their lives to find more happiness, satisfaction, and self-acceptance. We journey with moms to help them manage their anxiety and depression, so they can create loving, strong, healthy attachments with their children.