Loneliness, no joy, severe anxiety after giving birth: Is it postpartum depression?

Isn’t it odd how we can feel so lonely like we are the only one experiencing something? Our “mom anxiety” kicks in, and we have imagined the most horrible circumstances that no one else has ever lived. Add in the fatigue and sleep deprivation of caring for a newborn, and the perfect storm swirls around us, threatening to sink our ship.  

But what if we told you that you are in the company of many other brave women? Just like you, they have felt deep depression, sadness, cried much more often and easily than normal, had severe mood swings, and lost almost all pleasure in what usually brought them joy. Many of these women have wanted to run out of their homes, leave their partner, newborn, and family and never come back. Some have even fantasized about hurting their newborn. The grief of not wanting to bond with their baby sits like a weight on their chests. Life becomes nearly unbearable.  

If any of this is resonating with you, you might be experiencing postpartum depression. As we provide counseling for moms as postpartum therapists in both Evanston and Chicago, we have the privilege of letting women know they aren’t alone. What they are living is very real. Like you, they are not somehow a severely flawed human nor a bad parent. The best part about it all? This condition is treatable with quite positive outcomes.  

What is postpartum depression?  How do you know if you should be concerned?

The Cleveland Clinic describes postpartum depression like this:  

a complex mix of physical, emotional, and behavioral changes that occur after giving birth that are attributed to the chemical, social, and psychological changes associated with having a baby.

After you give birth, levels of the hormones progesterone and estrogen take a deep dive.  Researchers link levels of these hormones to your mood but do not know exactly how they affect your feelings.  

Socially speaking, a new mom’s freedom of movement (think: heading out to meet a friend for a cup of coffee) and independence become limited immediately.  

Even your psychological identity changes as your status as a woman changes.

New dads also experience a form of postpartum depression.  While they don’t have the physical symptoms of a new mom, many of the social and psychological changes are the same for them.  

You may be thinking that your symptoms are not that severe.  50-75% of new mothers experience changes in mood called “baby blues” after delivery.  However, for almost 15% of these women, the “blues” will grow into a more serious and persistent depression.  (You can find these stats here.)

Next week, we will take a look at the differences between baby blues and postpartum depression.  We’ll have more details for you then.  

The signs and symptoms of postpartum depression are:

• Depressed mood or severe mood swings

• Excessive crying

• Difficulty bonding with your baby

• Withdrawing from family and friends 

• Loss of appetite or eating much more than usual

• Inability to sleep (insomnia) or sleeping too much

• Overwhelming fatigue or loss of energy

• Reduced interest and pleasure in activities you used to enjoy

• Intense irritability and anger

• Fear that you’re not a good mother

• Hopelessness

• Feelings of worthlessness, shame, guilt or inadequacy

• Diminished ability to think clearly, concentrate or make decisions

• Restlessness

• Severe anxiety and panic attacks

• Thoughts of harming yourself or your baby

• Recurrent thoughts of death or suicide

The signs and symptoms can appear anywhere from 1-3 weeks to up to a year after delivery.  The CDC says that up to 50% of women who experience pregnancy depression do not receive treatment.  If perinatal depression goes untreated, it can show up as postpartum depression later. (Please read the article I posted on pregnancy depression.) 

1 in 8 women goes through depression after the birth of their child.  (Remember about not being alone in this?) .  

So who is at the greatest risk?  The Mayo Clinic identifies these risk factors: 

• You have a history of depression, either during pregnancy or at other times

• You have bipolar disorder

• You had postpartum depression after a previous pregnancy

• You have family members who’ve had depression or other mood disorders

• You’ve experienced stressful events during the past year, such as pregnancy complications, illness or job loss

• Your baby has health problems or other special needs

• You have twins, triplets or other multiple births

• You have difficulty breast-feeding

• You’re having problems in your relationship with your spouse or significant other

• You have a weak support system

• You have financial problems

• The pregnancy was unplanned or unwanted

If you find yourself shaking your head in agreement with many of the signs and symptoms and are identifying with many of the risk factors, you may want to reach out here for help from a postpartum therapist like us.  You don’t have to go through this alone!  And, with the right help you can begin to have the life you would like to have for both yourself and your baby. What can you expect when you do reach out for help? 

You’re ready to reach out for help. What are your treatment options?

Please seek help.  If left untreated postpartum depression can become a chronic condition.  It also puts dads at a greater risk for depression.  Your baby may begin to show signs of delayed speech development, eating issues, and behavioral problems.  

The first person to contact would be your healthcare provider.  Here are a few concerns that would lead you to consider contact with this person:

• Thoughts of harming yourself or your baby.

• Recurrent thoughts of death or suicide.

• Depressed mood for most of the day, nearly every day for the last two weeks.

• Feeling anxious, guilty, hopeless, scared, panicked, or worthless.

• Difficulty thinking, concentrating [or] making decisions, or dealing with everyday situations.

This person can also work to rule out any of the issues that have a purely physical origin.  For instance, extreme fatigue, one of the symptoms of postpartum depression, could be caused by your thyroid not functioning as it should during the perinatal period.  

The provider will look at your personal medical history, your needs, and how severely you are affected to decide how to move forward.  They may prescribe an antidepressant medication that will help to lift your mood.  You might be surprised, but several of these medications are compatible with nursing.  

Your healthcare provider will probably recommend working with someone like us, postpartum therapists who provide counseling for moms.  We will work together to modify any behavior or thinking patterns that are impacting your symptoms.  Often, we use a method, cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), which helps you identify the new thoughts and behaviors you want to focus on in your life.  We will help you to find strategies to solve problems.  Together we will set realistic goals.  

We would also recommend making lifestyle changes that will set you up to feel better.  Where possible, seek out the most nutritious diet, engage in exercise (a short walk outside will do it!), avoid alcohol, and increase your sleep and rest.. We know each of these suggestions can be tricky at this time of life, but they will support you. Pick just one and focus on it.  Do what you can.   

More than anything else, we want you to remember that this condition is very treatable.  A full recovery is highly likely.  The road to recovery may take months and might have setbacks along with the gains.  Yet, with the combination of medical help, counseling, support from family and friends, and lifestyle changes, you can enjoy recovery from postpartum depression.  You can live more of the life you desire with your child and family.

We are here to help.  Please contact us at info@evanstoncounseling.com. 

We provide Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Relationship Therapy, and Hypnotherapy, for women in Evanston and Chicago IL, virtually and in person.  We help women who feel isolated, anxious, and overwhelmed in their lives to find more happiness, satisfaction, and self-acceptance. We journey with moms to help them manage their anxiety and depression, so they can create loving, strong, healthy attachments with their children.

There is hope.