Evanston therapy – Infertility: Coping with anxiety when you feel everyone is pregnant but you
You know you were made for motherhood, but it seems that your body doesn’t agree. You and your partner have done all of the things trying to conceive…having sex more often, especially near ovulation, maintaining a healthy weight, cutting out caffeine, alcohol, and cigarettes. The last cycle of IVF left you in tears. You might be thinking…Will infertility create a wedge between you and your partner? Or perhaps you wonder if you will ever have a child who is biologically yours. Our Evanston therapists grieve with you and hold space for the hole in your heart. We want to help you cope with the anxiety on your infertility journey.
Managing your Emotions with Infertility
The first thing to remember is to offer yourself a huge dose of self-love. What you are experiencing can be gut-wrenching and mentally and physically exhausting. In this article at verywellfamily.com they state:
Infertility is a frustrating, difficult disease to face. Feeling sadness, anger, grief, and fear is common and normal.
If you feel like throwing your phone across the room, every time you scroll past a gender reveal on Instagram, allow yourself the anger and frustration.
You may feel ashamed that you judge your alcoholic cousin, who doesn’t seem to have any problem conceiving. You think to yourself, “I’d never treat my kids like that! Why does she get to be a mom, and I don’t?” Yet, give yourself space to feel the full range of emotions (even the not-so-nice ones!) With Evanston therapy, we will visit these emotions and offer you a healthy way to process and move through them.
Your normal anxiety may be climbing as you worry about your biological clock ticking or see your savings balance dwindle as you pay for IVF. With cognitive behavioral therapy, you will learn how to reframe these thoughts. You will manage your worries and fears by viewing your circumstances in a way that supports you and lifts you up.
Setting Strong Boundaries to Lower Your Anxiety
Another way of showing yourself love is to decide and maintain who and what you will permit into your life. In therapy, we will establish boundaries to protect your heart and give you some breathing room. Take a look at these tips.
Evanston therapy Tip #1 Just say “No.” to baby ceremonies
If you find attending a baby shower, gender reveal, a bris, or any other ceremony too triggering, do yourself a favor and don’t go. The friend, family member, or coworker will need to accept that you are taking care of yourself by not attending. Your absence at their event is not a reflection of them at all.
Evanston therapy Tip #2 Limit the baby talk
When you are out with friends or hanging out with family members, shift the conversation away from pregnancy, babies, or children if it makes you feel uncomfortable.
If the people you are with persist and continue the conversation, simply ask, “Can we please talk about something else? This topic of conversation is difficult for me.” Hopefully, they will honor your wishes and switch the conversation to the latest show they binge-watched on Netflix.
Carefully choose the people with whom you spend your precious time. Create a supportive group of friends and family who understand what you are dealing with and respect your feelings.
Evanston therapy Tip #3 Coffee date for two
This tip goes along with the previous one. Instead of going out in large groups, you may prefer a tea (or coffee) for two. It might be a little easier to navigate the conversation away from sensitive topics if it’s just you and your BFF.
Evanston therapy Tip #4 Have a plan for dealing with the hurtful comments
You are bound to encounter people who just don’t get it. They can’t comprehend why you can’t “just foster or adopt.” They will not respect your boundaries, and unpleasant things will fall out of their mouths.
How will you respond to them? Will you further engage in conversation, or will you make an elegant exit? With our Evanston therapists, we will unpack how these types of comments make you feel and role-play a few scenarios that will help you manage your emotions at the moment and afterward.
You will develop the confidence to respond to hurtful comments in a way that lifts you and makes you feel protected emotionally.
Coming to Peace with Infertility
You will want to offload the anxiety that infertility can bring and reach toward calm. Coming to peace with infertility may look different for each person dealing with the stress and worry. In therapy, we can walk you through the “What ifs.”
What if you apply for a position in your company that fits you perfectly, and then you get pregnant? What if you and your partner plan a vacation to Bali and then you conceive? Putting your life on hold as you wait to conceive, might be increasing your anxiety. We will help you learn to cope with all of the unknowns and find more peace.
Surrounded by men and women, thick in the struggle with you, may be very helpful. The National Infertility Association hosts peer-led support groups. Click here to discover a group of like-minded individuals who will understand your challenges. The Chicago area has several groups; most of them meet virtually. Knowing that you are not alone in your intense desire to have a child may help you have greater calm.
Reach out to us to find out how our Evanston therapy can help you learn to experience greater joy despite the weightiness of your circumstances. We welcome you in to share your journey with our Evanston therapists.
