Going Home for the Holidays and Relationship Issues

Hallmark, Netflix, and any other streaming service may have you believe that going home for the holidays is a magical and joyous occasion. But, then you remember, they’re paid actors. However, that’s not always the reality. Going back to your childhood home for the holidays can bring up a mix of emotions. It can also bring up relationship issues that you may not be prepared for. Maybe when you left for college THAT was the best time of your life. You had finally felt free from all the pressures at home. Perhaps, there are unresolved issues with family members that still sting. Whatever the case may be, you’re about to go home for the holidays. And you need some guidance to navigate the potential relationship pitfalls.

First, let’s state it’s normal to feel anxious. Even if your relationship with your parents is great. It’s weird going back to a place that holds so many memories. But, you’re no longer the same person who lived there, so it’s understandable to have mixed emotions. Plus, being back in a place you associate with childhood can bring up feelings of regression. Or it can have you feeling like you need to prove yourself to your family. So, how do you handle all these feelings while navigating the potential relationship issues?

Common Relationship Issues That Arise During the Holidays

As a therapist who provides therapy for college students in Chicago, IL, I know there are many potential relationship issues that can arise. Especially, during the holidays. You might not even suspect some of them. Because the main ones people think about are issues their partner might have. But, we’ll get to that in a minute. First, let’s talk about some of the common relationship issues within your family dynamic.

Feeling Like Your Parents Still Treat You Like a Child

You’ve been away at college, living independently for months now and things are going well. Despite the jokes your parents may have made about forgetting to do laundry or feed yourself. You’ve actually adapted to adulting pretty well. So, when you go back home and your parents still treat you like a child. It might make you feel like you’re going to pull your hair out, figuratively. Suddenly, they’re asking where you’re going, what time you’ll be back, and if you’ve done your chores. It can feel suffocating and like your independence is being taken away from you.

Feeling Like You Need to Prove Yourself

Similar to when your parents are treating you like a child or you’re back at home. You might feel the need to prove yourself. While this looks different for everyone, this could be making a side dish for the holiday dinner, getting a job to show you’re financially independent, or even just trying to impress your parents with your accomplishments. This can create a lot of pressure and lead to feelings of inadequacy if things don’t go as planned. But also, are you really enjoying the holidays if you’re constantly trying to prove yourself?

Tension Between Family Members

Ah, family. Family dynamics are complicated, and depending on your major, you might have even learned a whole theory about it. But, let’s not go into that now. When tensions arise between family members during the holidays, it can put everyone on edge and make things uncomfortable. This is especially true if there are unresolved issues from the past or ongoing conflicts within the family. If the tension is between you and another family member, it can feel like you’re walking on eggshells and trying to avoid any further confrontation.

Dealing with Your Partner’s Family

Okay, now let’s talk about your partner. This may be the first time they are meeting your family. Maybe it’s the first time you’re meeting theirs. Or, maybe you’ve all already met but this is the first time you’re spending a holiday together. Whatever the case may be, introducing your partner to your family can bring up a whole new set of relationship issues. It can make you overthink. Will they get along with your family? How do you balance spending time with both your partner and your family during the holidays? Will your family approve of them? Having anxiety is valid but remember, your partner is there to support you and navigate any potential issues together.

How Do You Navigate These Relationship Issues?

You’ve noticed or anticipated them and now you’re wondering, how do you navigate these relationship issues during the holidays? Well, let’s start with the concept of boundaries. A therapist for college students in Evanston, IL would describe boundaries as limits and guidelines that you set in your relationships to ensure they are healthy and respectful. Boundaries can help you manage your own emotions and reactions while also setting expectations with others. This doesn’t have to be anything like, “Mom, you can’t talk to me like that anymore.” It can be small things like saying, “Mom, when you ask me about my plans for tonight, it makes me feel like I’m being treated like a child. Can we try something different?” By setting boundaries and communicating openly, you can navigate potential issues with your parents treating you like a child while also maintaining respect and understanding in the relationship.

Next, let’s talk about communication. You’re not going to want to talk about every subject anyone brings up. And, guess what! That’s okay. Not only is this a boundary but you’re communicating it to others. This can look like respectfully changing the subject or even saying, “I don’t feel comfortable talking about this right now.” If that person can’t respect that, walk away or have an exit strategy. You don’t have to engage in conversations that make you feel uncomfortable or anxious.

Set Up Expectations

Maybe you’ve been in a situation like this before. When you have a vision of what is going to happen, you get there and your parents have a different one. This can be as small as what time dinner is, who’s bringing what dish, or big things like how long are you staying for. Talking to your parents ahead of time about what their expectations are for the holiday and setting your own can help prevent any confusion or disappointment. This also applies to introducing your partner to your family. Talk to them about what you expect from their behavior and how they can support you during this time.

Also, talking to your partner about what their expectations for the holiday are can help you both navigate potential issues with family dynamics. You can come up with a plan together on how to spend time with both families while also making sure you have quality time as a couple. Or, if they want to spend time with friends in their spare time, you can discuss boundaries and communication to make sure everyone’s needs are being met.

What If There is Tension?

We talked about family tension being a problem but didn’t really address what to do if it happened. Think, what is the trigger? Is it when your parents tell you that you have to be at a certain event? Is it when a certain family member brings up a certain topic? Knowing what triggers tension can help you prepare for potential situations that may arise. Take some deep breaths and think about how you are going to handle the situation before it even happens. This would be a great topic to talk to with your therapist in therapy for college students in Chicago, IL.

They can help you come up with coping strategies that work for you. For instance, they could mention actively listening to your family but then setting boundaries when the conversation goes somewhere you don’t want to go. They could also give examples of how to respectfully decline an invitation or change a subject in a way that doesn’t cause further tension.

Taking Care of Yourself

With tension or not, returning home for the holidays or college break can be stressful and overwhelming. Self-care is recommended for everyday life, but especially during these busy times. Take breaks from everything to do what you would like to do. Even if it’s binge-watching Love is Blind in your room to get away from family drama. It’s okay to prioritize yourself and your mental health during this time. Also, talking to your therapist who offers therapy for college students in Chicago, IL about breathing techniques or mindfulness exercises can help you stay calm during this time. Self-care, in this instance, doesn’t have to be spa days or facemasks. It can be as simple as reading a book, going for a walk, or talking to a friend on the phone. Whatever helps you de-stress and recharge.

Talking with a Therapist

Talking to a therapist for college students in Evanston, IL can help you not only prep for the journey home but all the other triggers in your life. They can help you come up with a plan for how to communicate and set boundaries in all relationships, not just during the holidays. Whether it’s with family, friends, or even romantic partners, setting boundaries and effectively communicating is essential for healthy relationships. Also, as long as you are staying in the same state, you can also look for an online therapist in Chicago, IL so you can have sessions even when you’re away from school.

Remember, your mental health should always be a priority, and seeking help is a sign of strength. Don’t hesitate to reach out for support during the holiday season or any time throughout the year. Your therapist can offer a supportive and empathetic environment where you can work through any relationship issues and learn coping strategies to navigate them successfully. So, take some deep breaths, take care of yourself, and enjoy your break from college.

Navigate the Holidays with Help From Therapy for College Students in Chicago & Evanston, IL

If you’re struggling with navigating family dynamics during the holidays, don’t hesitate to seek support from therapy for college students in Chicago & Evanston, IL. Your mental health and well-being are important, and a therapist for college students can provide you with the tools and support you need to handle any challenges that may arise. Our experienced therapists can help you navigate family relationships, set boundaries, and communicate effectively to maintain healthy and fulfilling connections with your loved ones. At Evanston Counseling, we specialize in working with college students and understand the unique challenges they face during this transitional phase of life. If you prefer working with an online therapist in Chicago & Evanston, IL, we also offer virtual counseling services. Take the first step toward self-care by following the steps below:

1. Reach out to schedule a free consultation.
2. Speak with an experienced college therapist.
3. Take care of yourself, enjoy your holidays, and we look forward to supporting you on your journey!

Other Therapy Services Offered at Evanston Counseling in Evanston, Chicago, and throughout Illinois

At Evanston Counseling, our commitment extends beyond offering therapy for college students in Chicago, IL. We understand that everyone’s journey is unique, and we offer a variety of therapy services to support individuals in all stages of life. This is why we also offer  Therapy for Moms, Teen Counseling, Therapy for Young Adults, and, cater to individuals facing challenges like  Anxiety, Depression, and Chronic Pain and GI Distress. We offer a wide range of therapeutic modalities to meet your unique needs, including Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Trauma-Informed Care, Emotionally Focused Therapy, Hypnotherapy, and Pet Therapy. Our approach is tailored to ensure personalized care and effective outcomes.