What If Your Teen Isn’t Excited for School to Start? (And What You Can Do That Actually Helps)

It’s that time of year again. The ads for school supplies, sales on new sneakers, smiling kids in commercials, and social media feeds filled with first-day-of-school photo shoots. Stores push back-to-school deals, and parenting blogs talk about “getting your time back.” But what if, instead of feeling relieved, you’re worried? Not because of the shopping lists, but because your teen isn’t excited. They’re quieter than usual, maybe irritable, or just not themselves—and it’s got you wondering if teen counseling in Evanston, IL might help.

For many teens, back-to-school isn’t a celebration. It’s a shift from the freedom of summer back into the pressure of early mornings, crowded hallways, and constant expectations. Even if they’re not saying much, you can sense the weight they’re carrying, and as a parent, that weight can start to sit on you, too. This is where paying attention to your own well-being, and prioritizing maternal mental health, becomes essential right alongside supporting your teen.

But It’s Just School, Right? So Why the Big Feelings?

On the surface, school brings routine, friends, and activities. But for teens, it can also mean intense social pressure, mounting academic anxiety, and the exhausting work of trying to “fit in” while figuring out who they are. This is the stage where they’re forming their identity, testing out different versions of themselves, and feeling the weight of expectations from peers, teachers, and even themselves.

Many are also quietly worried about grades, college prospects, and how every choice might impact their future. That kind of ongoing worry can chip away at their confidence, drain their energy, and leave them feeling like they’re constantly behind. It can affect sleep, motivation, mood, and even how they connect with friends or family. Summer may have been a rare break from having to be “on” all the time, and going back can feel like losing that breathing room.

Red Flags vs. Normal Nerves

Sure, some nerves are normal. Feeling a little restless or uncertain before the first day is expected. But there are also moments when those feelings hint at something deeper, when your teen might be wrestling with more than just “back-to-school jitters.” Here’s what to keep an eye on:

• Avoiding conversations about school altogether
• Trouble sleeping or oversleeping
• Changes in appetite
• Headaches, stomachaches, or other stress-related symptoms
• Withdrawal from friends or activities they usually enjoy

If your gut says something’s off, trust it. You know your teen better than anyone, and even small changes can signal something deeper. This is when paying attention, not brushing it off, really matters. Teen counseling in Evanston, IL can help distinguish between typical stress and something that needs more attention and provide clarity on what’s fueling their emotions. It can also guide them in building coping strategies and give both you and your teen a shared sense of direction moving forward.

What Not to Say (Even If You Mean Well)

When you’re worried, it’s natural to want answers. You want to know what’s wrong, to name it, to fix it. At the same time, you just want to see your teen smile again, to lighten the heaviness you see on their face. It’s hard, really hard, watching your teen feel down and not being able to make it instantly better. So it’s tempting to reach for quick phrases meant to cheer them up, like:

• “You’ll be fine once it starts.”
• “Everyone feels this way.”
• “You’re lucky, you get summers off.”
• “Once you see your friends you’ll be fine.”
• “It’ll be worse when you’re an adult.”

Even if you mean to reassure, these can sound dismissive. They can make your teen feel like you’re brushing off their feelings or minimizing their worries. When a teen is already carrying anxiety or uncertainty, hearing a quick “you’ll be fine” can feel like a shut door instead of an invitation to talk. What they need is acknowledgment that you see their struggle and an opening for honest conversation. Instead, try:

• “It sounds like something about school feels hard this year.”
• “You don’t have to be excited, but I want to understand what’s on your mind.”
• “Do you want advice or just a listening ear?”

What Actually Helps Your Teen?

Helping your teen doesn’t have to mean doing a complete 180 on your parenting style. It also doesn’t have to mean stepping back completely and leaving them to figure it out on their own. And no, it doesn’t mean jumping straight to medication as the only solution. Support can be intentional, balanced, and fit naturally into the way you already parent:

• Ease them into routines without making it rigid.
• Offer low-pressure check-ins.
• Model calm when they’re anxious.
• Help them find calm, stress-free places.
• Consider bringing in a neutral third party—like a therapist for teens in Evanston, IL—who can give them space to open up.

It’s worth remembering that these small, steady steps you take to help your teen aren’t happening in isolation, they’re part of a bigger picture. The more grounded and supported you feel, the more you can show up in the ways they need. That’s why it’s important to also look at your own capacity and well-being as a parent, so you’re not running on empty while trying to pour into your teen.

Partnering With the School to Help Your Teen Adjust

You don’t have to navigate this back-to-school transition alone—your teen’s school can be a valuable ally. If you’ve noticed your teen’s anxiety rising, consider reaching out to teachers, school counselors, or administrators to let them know what’s going on. Together, you can create a plan that might include easing them into a regular routine, walking their schedule before the first day, or finding a safe space they can go to if they feel overwhelmed. Even small accommodations, like identifying a trusted adult at school or adjusting their first-week workload, can help ease their anxiety and make the transition less overwhelming.

Meanwhile… Let’s Talk About You

Supporting a struggling teen can be exhausting. You might be feeling anxious yourself, replaying conversations in your head, or carrying the weight of keeping the family afloat. And part of what makes it so hard is that your teen is becoming a more independent human, you can’t shield them from the world or prevent every hurt that comes their way. That reality can leave you feeling helpless at times, even while you’re doing your best to guide them. On top of that, you may find yourself quietly grieving the parts of parenting that felt simpler when they were younger. Back then, your hugs or a day at the park could fix almost anything.

Now, you’re navigating bigger emotions, both theirs and yours, while trying to hold your own life together. It’s a lot, and it’s okay to admit it’s a lot. Online therapy for moms offers a space for you to process your own worries and navigate the shift in your role as a parent. It can also help you strengthen your resilience, learn new ways to connect with your teen, and feel less alone in the process. And when you take care of your own mental health, you’re showing your teen that it’s not only okay to ask for help, it’s a sign of strength.

Could Teen Counseling in Evanston & Chicago, IL Be the Right Next Step?

You don’t have to have all the answers before you reach out. Teen counseling in Evanston and Chicago, IL can meet you right where you and your teen are—whether you’re sitting in uncertainty, worry, or that “I just want them to feel okay again” place. At Evanston Counseling, our therapists support teens who may look fine on the outside but feel unsettled inside. We also walk alongside parents, recognizing that maternal mental health in Evanston, IL is part of the bigger picture, and you deserve that same steady support.

• Schedule a free consultation with Evanston Counseling.
• Meet with a teen therapist who gets it
• Let’s help your teen find steady ground, and help you find some too.

Other Therapy Services at Evanston Counseling

At Evanston Counseling, we understand that uncertainty wears many faces. Maybe your teen is going through something you can’t quite name. Maybe you’re a college student back for the summer, feeling more disconnected than you expected. Or maybe you’re a mom navigating everything from the constant emotional labor to endless family group chats while trying to keep your own head above water. However it’s showing up—tired, stretched thin, or just not feeling like yourself—we see you.

That’s why we offer more than just therapy for teens. We provide therapy for teens, therapy for moms, and support for anyone carrying more than they can comfortably hold. We also work with families, college students, and individuals dealing with anxiety, life transitions, and burnout. Whether you’re looking for ways to support your teen, strengthen your own resilience, or simply keep yourself grounded while supporting everyone else, our team is here. We use approaches like CBT, hypnotherapy, and even pet therapy because healing isn’t one-size-fits-all. What matters most is having a space where you can be honest, messy, real, and still fully welcomed.