Is My College Student Okay? Signs They’re Struggling (And What to Do From Out of State)

What to Know About the Signs Your College Student Is Struggling

Is it just a busy semester, or something more? Common signs your college student is struggling include pulling away from calls, major changes in sleep or eating, slipping grades, and losing interest in things they once enjoyed. One rough week usually isn’t a reason to worry. But a pattern that lasts a few weeks is worth a closer look. At Evanston Counseling, we offer therapy for college students in Evanston, IL, plus online sessions across Illinois.

And if something just feels off, even from miles away, you’re probably picking up on something real.

Find Support for Your Student

When Something Feels Off From Hundreds of Miles Away

You know your kid. So when the Sunday call gets pushed to Monday, then Wednesday, then not at all, you notice. Maybe they finally pick up, and the conversation is short. They’re “just tired” or “just busy.” Or maybe it’s the opposite. They’re calling more than usual, and stressed about things that never used to bother them.

From where you are, it’s hard to tell if they’re caught up in friends, lectures, and studying, or if it’s something bigger. And if you’ve caught yourself typing “signs my college student is struggling” into Google at midnight, that worry makes total sense. Now, the good news? There’s actually a lot you can do, even from another state. So, let’s start with what to look out for.

What Are the Signs My College Student Is Struggling?

Honestly, the biggest clue is usually change. You know how your student normally acts, so pay attention when that shifts and doesn’t bounce back after a week or two. Not to mention, many families are dealing with this right now. Nearly half of college students said they’d had symptoms of depression in the past year. Many struggling students also put off asking for help. So more often than not, it’s the people who love them, like you, who notice first.

They Stop Sharing the Little Things

You know those random updates you used to get? The funny thing their roommate said, the professor they love, the party they’re excited about? When those stop, it can be a small sign that something’s up. Maybe they answer every question with a vague “it’s good,” or they change the subject fast. Usually, that has less to do with you and more to do with not having the energy to explain what’s really going on.

How They Sound When You Talk

Now, it might not be something you’ve noticed before, but pay attention to their tone. Are they snapping at you over little things? Crying more easily? Sounding flat, like nothing really excites them anymore? Irritability, tearfulness, and feeling overwhelmed can all be signs that they’re carrying more than they’re letting on.

When School Starts Slipping

Grades can be one of the easiest things to explain away. A bad midterm gets blamed on a tough professor, and a few skipped classes get blamed on a late night out. Sometimes that’s all it is. But if your student is usually on top of their work, slipping in school can be one of the first signs they need more support. After all, it’s really hard to focus on a paper when everything else feels heavy.

Sleep, Meals, and Routines Falling Apart

Sleeping until 2 p.m. after a late night out is one thing. Sleeping that late every day, or barely sleeping at all, is a big one to watch. So is skipping meals, drinking more than usual, or pulling back from clubs, teams, and friends they used to love. Often, these changes come up casually. They might mention that they quit their intramural team, or that they haven’t made it to the dining hall in days.

Start With a Free Consultation

What Does It Mean When Your College Kid Isn’t Answering Texts?

Most of the time, it just means they’re busy. A college kid not answering texts for a day or two is pretty normal, especially around exams. Northwestern, DePaul, and UChicago all run on the quarter system, so midterms and finals come around about every ten weeks. Loyola runs on semesters, so its busiest weeks land on a different schedule. If the silence lines up with finals, that’s probably all it is.

However, it’s a completely different story when the silence doesn’t match their usual communication pattern. Say your student normally texts back within a day, and now it’s been two weeks of one-word answers. That’s a red flag and worth a phone call, maybe even a visit. You’ll learn a lot more from their voice than from a text with a thumbs-up emoji. You can also check in with the people they hang out with or talk to the most. Like a roommate, a close friend, or a sibling, as long as your student is okay with that.

How Do You Bring It Up Without Making It Worse?

The trick to bringing it up is to ease into it. That means starting small and specific. Beginning the conversation with “Are you depressed?” can make anyone shut down or, at the very least, really annoyed. Instead, try pointing out what you’ve actually noticed. Something like, “Hey, you’ve sounded really worn out on our last few calls, and you haven’t mentioned your friends in a while. I’m worried about you. What’s going on?” That gives your student something real to respond to, without feeling put on the spot. 

Let them talk, even if it’s slow going at first. You know that urge to jump in and fix everything? That’s totally normal. But if you’re not sure what they need from you, it’s okay to ask. Something like, “Do you want me to just listen, or do you want my advice?” Sometimes they just need to vent. And knowing you’ll let them can make them a lot more likely to open up next time. Once they’ve opened up, it’s a good time to remind them of two things. This isn’t their fault, and you love them no matter what their GPA looks like. For many students, hearing that from a parent can feel like a huge weight off.

What Can You Do From Out of State?

Honestly, it makes sense that you feel helpless right now. The distance between you and your college student makes it hard to think of solutions immediately. But there are actually a few things that you can do!

• Try setting up a regular time to FaceTime them. Even if it’s just 20 minutes on a Tuesday night when they’re prepping for class the next day. This way, checking in becomes a small part of their routine rather than a big, new addition that could make them more anxious.
• Visit them. If you can make a quick visit, do it. A weekend might seem like a short amount of time, but it can actually give you a lot of insight. Or, if you have some PTO to burn, make the visit longer. This way, you get a better sense of how they’re doing, and they have a better chance of opening up to you.

It also helps to learn your student’s campus resources before you need them. Northwestern, Loyola, DePaul, and UChicago each have a counseling center, a student health center, and a dean of students’ office. If school is a big part of the stress, students can often ask about accommodations, a lighter course load, or even a leave of absence. And if your student could use steady, weekly support, our guide on finding a therapist for your college student walks through what to look for.

When Is It Time to Get Help Right Away?

Some signs mean you shouldn’t wait to see if things get better. If your student is talking about suicide, feeling like a burden, or feeling trapped, that’s a sign to get help right away. The same goes if they start saying goodbye, giving their things away, or taking big risks. Think things like reckless driving or drinking a lot more than usual.

If you notice any of these, it’s okay to ask them directly if they’ve had thoughts of hurting themselves. It’s a really hard question to ask anyone, and it’s normal to feel nervous. But asking about suicide won’t make them start thinking about it. If anything, it shows them you can handle the truth, so they don’t have to hide it from you.

In the moment, you can:

• If they’re in immediate danger, call 911.
• Reach the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline any time, day or night, by calling or texting 988.
• If you can’t reach your student and you’re worried, ask campus police or the dean of students’ office for a wellness check.

How Can a Therapist for College Students Help?

Once you know something’s off, it’s natural to wonder, “Okay, so now what?” That is where a therapist for college students can help. They give your student a steady person to talk to every week, and someone who isn’t a friend, professor, or family member. They can help your student work through whatever has been piling up. Whether that’s stress, trouble sleeping, burnout, or even anxious thoughts that just won’t turn off. And the best part? With online sessions, your student can meet right from their dorm room. This way, therapy fits into their week instead of feeling like one more thing to squeeze in. Meaning? This makes it much easier for them to show up.

Get Your Student Support With Therapy for College Students in Evanston, IL

If the signs are starting to add up and you’re not sure what to do next, it’s okay to reach out for support. Working with a therapist for college students can help your student make sense of what they’re feeling and start to feel more like themselves again. At Evanston Counseling, our therapists specialize in helping college students work through stress, anxiety, depression, and all of the big changes that come with being away from home. Through therapy for college students in Evanston, IL, and online sessions for students in Chicago and across Illinois, we can help your student get the support they need, even when you’re miles away. We get it. Here’s how to get started:

1. Encourage your student to schedule a free consultation
2. Connect them with a therapist for college students in Evanston, IL who gets what this stage of life is like
3. Help your student feel supported, whether they’re near campus or across the state

Connect Your Student With a Therapist

Other Services at Evanston Counseling

At Evanston Counseling, we know that noticing your student is struggling can bring up a lot for you, too. That’s why we offer more than just therapy for college students in Evanston, IL. We also work with young adults navigating big transitions, and we offer therapy for moms and parents who could use a place to process their own worry. Our therapists help with anxiety, depression, loneliness, and more, using approaches like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. And since online sessions are available anywhere in Illinois, getting support doesn’t have to wait until your student is back on campus. Wherever you are in your journey, we’ll meet you there.

About the Author

Catherine Boyce, Ph.D., is the founder and Executive Director of Evanston Counseling, and she’s been helping people through life’s hardest seasons for over 27 years. Her own work focuses on women and others navigating anxiety, life transitions, relationships, motherhood, and grief, including parents who are worried about a child far from home. Over the years, she’s also built a team of therapists who specialize in teens, college students, and young adults learning to handle anxiety, academic pressure, and life on their own.

Catherine believes that self-awareness and self-acceptance are where real change begins, and that asking for help is one of the strongest things a person can do. She holds a Master’s in Social Work from Loyola University and a Ph.D. in Clinical Social Work from the University of Chicago. When she’s not working, you’ll find her spending time with the people and pets she loves.

If you’re ready to talk, schedule a free consultation with Catherine’s team.

Sources

Johns Hopkins Medicine. (n.d.). Depression in college students. https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/expert-qa/depression-in-college-students

Mayo Clinic Health System. (2023). College students and depression. https://www.mayoclinichealthsystem.org/hometown-health/speaking-of-health/college-students-and-depression

McLean Hospital. (n.d.). A parent’s guide to college student mental health. https://deconstructingstigma.org/guides/college-mh